Happy Valentine's Day! Whether you're single or in love, read on to discover Christian perspectives on this famous and ancient celebration.
The origins of St. Valentine are likely a convergence of two stories. Some accounts describe him as the Bishop of Terni, who was martyred in Rome. Some say he was a Christian physician and priest who was martyred during the reign of by the emperor Claudius II Gothicus about 270 bc. And while his historical accuracy may not hold up to scrutiny, his legend remains a powerful example of sacrificial love. "According to legend, St. Valentine signed a letter “from your Valentine” to his jailer’s daughter, whom he had befriended and healed from blindness. Another common legend states that he defied the emperor’s orders and secretly married couples to spare the husbands from being conscripted to serve in war." He remains the patron saint of lovers, people with epilepsy, and beekeepers to this day.
Valentine's Day is celebrated globally as a day to express love and affection to those who are important in our lives. But how can we be creative and authentic in building connections with our partners? After all, red roses and chocolates may serve a purpose, but they can get pretty clichéd over time! Dr.Gary Chapman, author of the bestseller "The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts", suggests that there are five powerful ways of connecting and communicating with the ones we love. He lists them as follows: Words of affirmation: many people's primary way of receiving love is through being given encouragement verbally. After all, who doesn't enjoy being complimented or told how much they mean to someone? Another option for connection is spending quality time with the one you love. Many of us connect deeply with our partners when we're able to set aside time for an unbroken and deep connection with them. Thirdly, Chapman explains how many people love to receive gifts without an expectation of receiving anything in return as a primary way of receiving love.
Fourthly, acts of service can be a really impactful way of showing how much you love someone. This involves helping behaviour that benefits the other person without expectation of anything in return. This can have the powerful effect of conferring worth and value on the other person and strengthening the bonds of connection. Fifthly, Chapman explains how important physical touch can be for many of us. For many, a hug, a kiss, or even being held, lets them know how valuable they are to us. Studies have shown that physical communication, as a nonverbal behaviour, has a huge effect on our interpersonal relationships. Interestingly, Chapman explains that we may not appreciate the same acts of love as our partners. In fact, he suggests that we take the time to find out each other's "primary love language" and, in doing so, strengthen our connection with our partners. Why not experiment as a couple this Valentine's Day and find out which one works for you?
Remember that human connection is a vital part of our human flourishing. As Chapman explains: "Our need for another's love is a part of our nature. Isolation is devastating to the human psyche. That is why solitary confinement is considered the cruellest of punishments.” Dr.Gary Chapman Scripture reinforces this idea. Way back in the book of Genesis, God the Father makes a powerful statement. 18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18 It then goes on to describe the creative journey of finding this suitable helper and settling on a human companion. Thus, Adam and Eve were given to each other for companionship. So, even if you do not have Valentine's this year, maybe you could connect with the people you love intentionally?
The celebration of Valentine's Day is a personal choice, and the ways people choose to celebrate may vary greatly. Whether it's through words of affirmation, acts of kindness, spending time with each other, giving gifts, or physical touch, the underlying theme remains the same. Valentine's Day can be an opportunity to connect with the people we love and demonstrate how much they mean to us.
So, what about a Christian perspective on St. Valentine's Day? 1 Corinthians 13 is one of the most famous passages on love ever written: "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres....And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." Here, Paul is writing about the kind of love that is almost impossible to grasp. Can you imagine being loved in this way? And yet, Christians believe that this is exactly the way that God loves us. With an intensity, consistency, and sincerity that cannot be matched by earthly romantic relationships. So, wherever you find yourself this Valentine's Day, know that you are loved with an eternal love by the author of love Himself. He longs to connect with you today, however you're feeling. He does not define you by your relationship status, and His feelings towards you do not change.
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