Dating as a Christian is complicated. In addition to all the usual ups and downs of dating, we have the added complication of including our faith.
There are so many questions to answer and things to figure out as you search for your life partner. Do you want your partner to share your faith too? Does it matter what sort of church they go to? How do you continue to prioritise your faith during a busy season of dating?
Here we share some tips and advice for dating as a Christian and importantly, how to do it with joy.
It can be so tempting to close yourself off when you’re single and trying to find Christian love. Churches often seem to be filled with lots of couples and very few single people. Not to mention how painful holiday seasons like Christmas and Valentine’s Day can be.
Whether you’ve been single for a month or you’ve never dated, being on your guard and putting a wall up can often feel like the safest thing to do. However, intimacy in lots of different forms is good for us.
From an intimate friendship that’s lasted for years or a vulnerable conversation with a mentor, embracing intimacy across our lives is a powerful act of self-care.
Pursuing intimacy with God, with our friends and with family while we’re single can be the most important thing we can do to help our dating life. Resist the urge to withdraw and shut off and instead focus on deepening connection across other areas of life.
We know that God actively pursues intimacy with us too, so lean into the incredible invitation from Father God to be loved and known by Him. Think of it as keeping your intimacy muscles flexed and ready.
My beloved spoke and said to me, ‘Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, come with me’. Song of Solomon 2:10
Dating as a Christian? Make sure you never doubt your worth
This is something you need to remember to do every day while you’re dating as a Christian: never doubt your worth.
The world and sometimes even our own brains would love us to believe that we are less valuable when we’re single. The irresistible lie that we all hear is that we are not complete until we’re in a relationship.
Remember, you have been made whole and complete by God. God does not look at you and see half a person or a less fulfilled life. He looks at you and delights in who you are, today.
The Lord your God is with you, the mighty warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in His love He will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17
Remembering your worth as a most-loved Child of God will not only help you get into a positive posture for meeting someone, it will also help you to enjoy the journey there.
Knowing that you are loved by God, so loved that He would have sent His only son to die for just you, can transform how you see your single days. You are so valuable, so loved and worth so much that every one of your days is precious and full of potential.
Declare the promises of God
On the days you find dating as a Christian particularly difficult and you wish for your single days to be over, there’s one powerful strategy to help: keep declaring the promises of God over your life.
Use these scriptures to remind yourself of the rich inheritance you have before you. Try reading them out loud in the morning or making them into your phone wallpaper so you see them throughout the day.
Promise One: He calls you friend
John 15:15 “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from My Father I have made known to you.”
Promise Two: He made you to be like Him
Genesis 1:27 “So God created mankind in His own image, in the image of God He created them; male and female He created them.”
Promise Three: He has good things in store for us
Jeremiah 29:11 “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”
Invite people in
One of the most important things you can do to help dating as a Christian is to invite other people into the process.
Don’t let your pride or embarrassment get in the way of opening up about trying to find love and asking for advice. Ask couples you know and admire how they met and what their single years were like before they met. Speak to your friends and family about your dating life, how you’re feeling and how they can help.
Being open and vulnerable with your community about dating as a Christian can help create opportunities for people to invest in the journey alongside you. You’ll feel less alone and will benefit from the support and cheerleading of people who love you.
Practical ways to help you meet your partner
Pray: It sound obvious but it can be easy to forget to pray for the things that really matter to us, especially when it’s something we’ve been holding onto for a long time. Keep opening up to God about your dating life, how you feel and what your hopes are. Ask Him to draw near to you and share His heart for you and your future.
Say Yes: This is age old dating advice but it’s still true. Saying yes to invitations and outings is an important part of dating as a Christian. Don’t feel pressured to say yes if you need some time alone to recharge or just want to catch up with a best friend instead of joining a big party. But, sometimes, it’s worth prioritising connecting with new people.
Invest in Yourself: It’s never comforting to hear happily settled couples tell you to make the most of your single years but there’s a pinch of truth in it. Taking the time to invest in yourself, your passions and your goals is never wasted time. As you dig into what you love to do and what brings you joy it makes it easier to figure out who might be right, or wrong for you.